Did I scare you? You thought I ran off with some random guy and eloped? Relax, no worries. All of human kind will know when I get married because a news flash will interrupt your regularly scheduled program and your invitation will be delivered in the format of a super bowl commercial during half time. Because that’s just how we roll! Lol.So, a few days ago I was looking at my Mama’s marriage certificate and later discussed it with the parental unit. I don’t think we have ever laughed so much but here is my take on the marriage deal for the commitment challenged:

So you meet the love of your life (or current decade) and decide to get married. Yay for you! Now hold on hotfoot, you’ve got to go see some random person who is going to tell you if you are APPROVED to get married. Crazy! You have to apply for marriage? This person does not know you but they have to give you a certificate that you have to use by a certain date or no wedding for you!

Skip to the wedding, everyone looks great. Oh joy, time for the vows! You start hearing words like obey, til death…pause please, time out! Princess Mina is not feeling that. I do not like the word obey, can we change that? How about love, honor and respect. As in I will respect your point of view but it does not mean I will do everything you say like I am Lassie!

The biggie…til death do us part. Man that pretty much killed the romance for me, nothing like thinking of death during your wedding! Maybe marriage should be like a lease and have a 90 day “Get Your Life Back Guarantee”. You try it out for up to 90 days, if you’re having problems already you can return your spouse without penalty. If you pass the 90 days you are officially married for the terms of your agreement.

Marriage certificates should have an expiration date with an option to renew. I think 5 years is good, 2 years for those who are really unsure. Divorce would be a word of the past. You never got divorced, your marriage simply expired! No expensive divorce, no worries about your credit score going to hell and no OMG I’m stuck with this loser/drama queen for life!

Also think about this. Why is it we must go through tests and approval for marriage but not to have children. Is it not worse to mess up raising a kid than mess up a marriage?